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April 5, 2011

The Art of Leaving: 7 Ways to Deal with Change

Written and photographed by Ursula Jorch

Bend

One unexpected aspect of all this moving around on my nomadic journey is how difficult it is to leave a place when I’ve grown to love and appreciate and enjoy it.  I mean, I know I’m doing this mobile thing.  I know I’m going to go in a few days or weeks – it’s not like it’s a surprise!

Yet, each time I grow attached to a place, it seems to require a lot of effort to move on.

And what surprises me even more is that leaving a place I’m not as fond of still takes a conscious decision and effort, and almost as much energy.

It makes me think of how difficult it is for us to make changes in our lives.  We often can’t seem to let go, we hang on, we drag out the process as long as we can, until the urge either gets submerged or we just can’t take it any more and we act.

The thing with submerged is, it’ll pop up again, somewhere else.  Like a great cosmic joke, or those Whack-a-mole games at fairs!

Even when we’re not happy where we are, making changes can be amazingly difficult.

In this process of leaving places, I’ve discovered some things that are helpful in making the transition.  They also apply to making other changes in our lives, leaving behind what’s become familiar and moving on to something new.

1.      Connect with the new place.  Make some kind of connection with where you’re going, whether it’s in your visualizing of what’s to come, or talking to people who are already there (ever ask someone about their career, when you’re interested in changing yours?).  This connecting starts the process of letting you put yourself mentally in that place, and makes leaving the old place easier.

2.     Stop resisting the leaving.  Every leaving has sadness in it – acknowledge it.  Let your body relax right into it, sink in, even if it seems painful.  It’s the only way through.  Just don’t let it go on for too long – sinking in can become wallowing if you let it.

3.     Leave judging for beauty contests.  As you go through your own change, you’ll feel a raft of emotions around it.  Let these feelings be as they are, without judgment.  You’ll make it a whole lot easier on yourself, and they’ll pass a whole lot quicker.

4.     Expect a pinball machine of emotions.  Sometimes it seems like you’re getting bounced around from one emotional gate to another: that’s to be expected.  Suspend the judgment (see #3).

5.     Don’t worry about the mess.  Change is messy.  There’s no getting around it.  Things will be disrupted for a while, until you settle into a new equilibrium.

6.    Tweak as you go.  Your original idea about wanting to change something in your life can be modified.  You’ll see new possibilities as you move into a change – follow the ones that resonate with you.

7.     And last but not least, whatever you do, get just as connected to your new way of life.  Don’t shrink from it.  It’s that connection that allows you to fully experience it, and just plain live your life, REALLY live it.

We’re an imperfect group, we humans.  In our imperfection, we try to protect ourselves from the disruption of change.

Instead, embrace it, make it into an art form within your own life (even if it has the messiness of a Jackson Pollock), and you’ll end up with your own very personal work of genius!

 

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Filed under: Change, Personal Growth 

Comments

5 Comments on The Art of Leaving: 7 Ways to Deal with Change

  1. Kathy Troidle JacksonNo Gravatar on Thu, 1st Sep 2011 7:43 am

    2. Ursula – this whole article can apply to leaving a job as well. Thanks for all the insights from the inside on how to do not only leave a place gracefully but embrace all that goes with the leaving and the arriving somewhere new!

    [Reply]

    Ursula JorchNo Gravatar Reply:
    September 6th, 2011 at 5:57 am

    You’re so right, Kathy! The things we face when we make any change distills down to the same simple, though not easy, process.

    [Reply]

  2. Alexanne StoneNo Gravatar on Wed, 7th Sep 2011 2:47 am

    3. Great advice for me to read right now. Thanks!

    [Reply]

    Ursula JorchNo Gravatar Reply:
    September 7th, 2011 at 4:20 pm

    Glad it’s helpful, Alexanne!

    [Reply]

  3. Turn Up Your Joy-o-Meter | Ursula Jorch | The Intentional Nomad on Thu, 29th Sep 2011 6:22 am

    4. [...] thing is, change is change, and we all need to adjust when change happens. The same tools we use to support and nurture ourselves in times of change apply whether or not the change is wanted or [...]

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